Alive in the Unknown (or Known)

No Choice

2009-09-26T12:16:00.000-07:00

I have no choice but to believe in God. I hate this. But I'm use to it. Never had trust like the Nine. Cryptic, cypher, hypnotic, highly erotic, esoteric crushed bones of future tension like a mouse trap.

Perception of a mind like one. Mouse trap that is.

Whatever, never, not very clever, ties I sever at the wrist, the mouth, and the legs.

I'm back from a treatment center

2009-07-30T14:09:00.000-07:00

I learned that I was also addicted to alcohol. That was the cause of my near four month incarceration. I'm back and starting in fits and giggles.

Jim Lind

2009-06-28T10:11:00.000-07:00

I met him for the last time and he looked like the stay puft marshmallow man. I kid you not. right out in public.

I was embarrassed to be talking to him but I did it anyway due to passed association with him. Nothing much changed with that guy.

Talking about some girl he likes. Well, those clothes have to go. It was all Dallas Cowboy gear. I don't get what he thinks is fashion sense.

He obviously didn't have any. Not in New Westminster. They are too forgiving there. It must cost him hundreds to look like that. Oh my god did he look comical.

Hi. to end the triumverate of Crystal Methamphetamine blog posts.

2009-06-06T17:36:00.000-07:00

I'm in rehab because of my Crystal Methamphetamine addiction. You should try it too, if that's your drug of choice. Here's how Crystal Meth is poison.

Crystal is the description. Of what it should like. Meth is a prefix. But what's in the prefix. I know what amphetamines are. They have derivatives of it, you can get it through prescription.

Unfortunately, I can't because I'm addicted to Methamphetampine. You figure that one out.

Anyway, meth is a prefix. What is in it? You don't know and you cannot get through whatever ails you.

That's it. Short and sweet. Don't do Crystal Meth-Amphetamine unless you are willing to describe some unwilling truths.

Eat shit and die, want to multiply?

2009-02-08T03:07:00.000-08:00

I'm tired of sex
I'm tired of you

get off my bed
get out of my head

dedicated to the woman I wanted to make my wife at the age of 21. She was 21 as well.

Thank you.

edited! listen? Her name was Elizabeth Goertzen. Her cool name was Betty! She was reverse Veronica! She died in a car accident with my sister at the intersection I told the whole fucking neighbourhood. The only family to apologize to me directly, was the Tessemakers. A family full of young women like Heidi. Especially Tanya! I will have you forever inside my Mark Lanegan moment at the Orpheum Theater! Queens of the Stone Age rule your stupid, inspid, Ryan Adams lyrics about women.

Fuck you, I'm all out of Enemies!

Alive in the Un(Known)

2009-01-25T01:57:00.000-08:00

This is obviously not a theory that works for everyone. This is the way I live. By the seat of my pants.

And when I thought I met a fellow traveller who did the same thing; I flew in feet first with my left foot being caught in a leg hold trap.

Hey, Reese! Thanks for letting me come on to strong with you. Now, I know how to conduct myself. You are going to be a strong woman.

The age thing should have clued me in. There is a World! of worlds of worlds of different between 21 and 32. Especially, the life I lead.

I'm a very intense person but I know when I broke someone's "booze". I have always known when to leave a room.

Thanks for reading what I had to write. I'm not obsessive, I just go where I'm needed. And if you don't need me there, then I'm not going. I will visit my Aunt, though.

And you cannot stop me!!!

This is my first attempt at a video.

2009-01-23T16:16:00.001-08:00

The first one is called "Hugo Chavez Overdrive" I enjoyed playing it and listening to it again. Pardon the 'quick cam' grainy footage. Get over it if you don't like it. It's music!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKKqs8oBB_U

Here is the second song. It is called, "Willis Dyer". I saw a video called, "Gentrification" by him and you would not believe the noise you can here. Here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDRV4K5D8nI

about a black man not being able to get some sleep. They call it 'Urban Renewal':

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=faR4EtV2Nk4

This one is one take. Dedicated to your hard work in winning me back from my morose, "What Have I Done!? phase" Here's some fun.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGxlzKvlvus

This one is called Reeses Peeces Jam.

Pictures with my Family

2009-01-23T14:45:00.003-08:00

First, my niece and nephew. That would be Annie and Benjamin. I like pictures where children's eyes are closed. It makes them even more goofy and fun.

Me with bad hair. I cut it short since I am experiencing male pattern baldness.

The whole mess. With my infamous back.

Me, on the left. Left, right, left, left!

Me on the left, again

2009-01-23T14:45:00.001-08:00

Veered: A Collection of Pornographic Pictures Rendered into Something More Interesting

2009-01-18T04:50:00.000-08:00

This is one called, "Orgy Dragon". This is called so, because I was promised by the porn gods of the internet that I would be a witness to a ten lesbian pornographic scene. Except! They were just standing around naked. It was the most unsex like orgy in my orgy viewing experience. So, I made something cool and I have no idea how I did it. I guess I wanted to make something interesting out of something that was offering false advertising.

This is one is called: "Negative Spider Seeking Optimistic Seamstress"

This is one is called: "The Cool Party People" I think I used four different pictures, combined them (also known as collage) and then used, ACDc 7 (it's hard to find a copy of this program. I crashed it, a lot by twisting with pictures so much that the system would overload. After every twist and turn and warp and color change I made and highlighted, I had to save it)

Thank you for your Blog.

2009-01-17T03:16:00.000-08:00

Reeses Peeces, if I had not found your blog, I would have no idea that someone out there was as interesting as me.

You are a very special person and I am sorry I overwhelmed you. I have been alone for a very long time and I always get so excited when I see my equal that I over-react and scare the bejesus out my friends.

Oh yes, you don't have to be my friend but you will always be friend. I finally found a woman who was interested in me. You have no idea how many people don't understand I word I say.

Not 911, not the police, my doctor and parents hardly believe me. They think I'm being paranoid., But, I am 100% psychologically sound.

Sorry, I didn't tell you about the bi-polar disorder. I had to diagnose it myself. They kept telling me I was mentally ill. When in fact, the world is mentally ill and I happen to be one of the few healthy people in it.

You, Charise, Reeses Peeces, unlocked my words. And for that, you have my undying gratitude. You should come visit soon. I'm great at solving human problems but it looks like you are taking care of that as well.

I hope you find what you are looking for. And if you cannot find it: give me a shout. I'll point you in the right direction. Or, in the nearest vicinity of least total chaos and destruction.

Hey Reeses Peeces!

2009-01-16T13:05:00.000-08:00

I got a spare room in case you ever come by and visit. I made it cool and it is cool because it is my best friend, who also happens to be my ex-girlfriends, storage space.

Well, I found a bed in the landing at my apartment. I cleaned up the storage around. You have closet space. That's if you decide to come visit. You don't have to.

I have bi-polar disorder and I really should stay off the internets when I my illegal medicine is not around.

It gets me into all kinds of trouble. I didn't mean to scare you. I would like to be your friend.

Thanks. The pics above are what the room looks like. Again, taken by friend Jason. He is the only friend I have that visits and he can only do so during lunch hour. He has a family, a job, a daughter, and apparently, a life outside my small part of the universe.

The only people I talk to are Americans telling me weird shit. (I don't where to begin but they keep leaving me messages that I won a free trip. Yet, I have no way of being able to take this free trip because the motherfuckers don't leave me with any clues as to how to actually take this trip.

I recently hung out with homeless people by the 7-11. I had lost my wallet and asked this guy named Ted if

he would keep an eye out for it for me. Well, soon after I told him, I knew where I had put my wallet. So, two hours later, an idea dawned on me...

I should go back and repay them for lost wallet. It costs me 55 dollars. and so I gave him 60. He shared with two of his buddies. I bought them all cold Frappucinos. The Starbucks kind that doesn't have to much volume but sure tastes good.

When I told them that as far as I was concerned me and them were the same. One guy answered, "Really?"

Fuck its weird when people get marginalized. But I told him we are the same without telling him not to get down on himself.

And later, two hours later, I brought down 2 clothing bags of clothes. One for Ted, one for the other guys. I met a cool, unemployed guy named Pat. Reminded me of my
old friend, Greg, now living in Calgary, Alberta, in a Rehabilitation center,. He's working there and he is not a client, though, once was.

He was my drug buddy. And now when he up jumped the boogie then banged all the way to Calgary, I decided to quit smoking crack as I was smoking just as much as he was. I smoked a lot of pot to compensate. A lot!

Anyway, I'll continue posting about my life here and try to make judgements on your posts where necessary.

I am sorry I fucked up. I was not on my medication. Please forgive my forwardness. It was rather unbecoming of me.

Tootles!

I'm Pretending to Read

2009-01-16T12:59:00.000-08:00

In my very hands, I am reading, "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu. It is the easiest book I ever read since the Children's Bible. But in all fairness to the Children's Bible, it also had the book of Job and Revelations.

I am now in my Habitat.

2009-01-16T12:49:00.000-08:00

Here is me playing bass guitar in exactly and no more than three poses. 'Cause that's all the pictures my friend Jason took.

Charise. Reese

2009-01-14T19:00:00.000-08:00

I am 6'2 and weigh 175 - 185 pounds. I am 32 and am very nitpicky about who I am with and am not with.

That is all. I need you to find me. The outside world scares me and it doesn't seem to scare you.

So, there! ha ha ha hah a ha.

I am also hilarious if you have not read this blog and not find me funny then you are not funny and that's fine with me. Easy pickings when the dry humor rolls along.

Ta ta!

Damsel in distress!!!

2009-01-13T00:39:00.000-08:00

I'm all alone. There is no one but my mom and dad who even take a look at me. For Christmas, it was only me and my parents. my brother and sister and nephew and niece did not show up because I use hard drugs.

Seriously, they have no respect for me and it hurt like hell. Now, I need my knight *(reeses pieces) to come and rescue me from my plight and get here to where I live and asses me.

I have a great place to live at. It has art work everywhere., Transformers everywhere,. Plants, hyanginig, Cacti,

Forgive the speloiing mistakes, I am nervous as jhell. Please contact and confirm destination time with me. I need someone to hold me and tell me that I don't have to be alone anymore.

Did I mention that I am also drop dead gorgeous. I stunned the hell out of the people at 7-11 at 6:30 in the morning. I am also a believer in Christianity, Muslim-Islam and the Jewish faith and always in the way of the Buddhist.

Crystal Meth Abusers are Stupid

2009-01-04T00:08:00.000-08:00

Hello, and welcome to an ongoing series that I should have started right after my, "Meth is Alright," post.

I'm an addict. Meaning I'm addicted to CMA. (I will use this as the acronym for Crystal Methamphetamine as Crystal Methamphetamine is a pain in the arse to type out loud) (oh, did I just write, "... type out-loud?")

The abuser doesn't do the basics of humanity any justice. Like: combing or brushing his or her hair. Taking a shower. Brushing their teeth. Including flossing and at least, the very least, mouthwash.

Force yourself to eat something besides sugar packets. Like a piece of pizza. Cold is a good temperature for food to be ingested at the CMA level. Breakfast Burritos at McDonald's have a good texture and for your temperature of food needs, it operates at a both 'hot n' cold' setting.

So, with basic hygiene, we solve a lot of problems that CMA causes. Like: greasy hair, pimples where there were no pimples before, and maybe you could stop picking at your face and just wash it for once. Go take a shower. A cold one. A warm one. A hot one, especially. That will get rid of all the snakes underneath the skin for you.

If you have trouble eating while on CMA, I can empathize with that. It is very difficult to eat anything.

But!!!

Your body needs food. And not eating for three days will rob you of essentials you go through out your day as a 'normal' functional member of society. If not eating, then try protein shakes. Slim Fast works, too. I have used that and it definitely is a meal replacement. Though, I try not to live solely on liquid meals. Tends to soften one's stool a little too much. Ahem...

Also, drink plenty of water and especially real fruit juice. I recommend buying frozen cans of juice because they are often under a dollar a can and can provide many glasses of real sugar (glucose) to your immune system that needs to fight off those open sores you keep picking at.

Mix it up. I buy six cans of all different flavoured juices, with one double, usually Cranberry because I hate it because it tastes the worse but I think it helps the most. You would be surprised how long a frozen container of Orange juice lasts. What I do, is not mix it a big container. I let the frozen can sit in the fridge, then take the top off, pour enough to make a glass full of juice; in a glass; and then add water.

A little juice goes a long way into giving you those Gatorade electrolytes that you need so badly when you've been up all night, writing blog posts like this one. Ahem.

Like I said, I'm an addict. I don't like being addicted to CMA. It is not anybody's idea of a fun time. But... But, I am learning control of it. I have learned that three weeks without it is not the end of the world but the beginning of one where I don't have to give in to my cravings for it.

I am stronger than my drug of choice. I am learning to live without it and it's a struggle. So, please, friends and family, know that I am trying and that I have greatly reduced my allotted money for CMA by less than half.

That's right! From $780.00 a month to $320.00. I think I'm on the road to wellness.

Peace and God Be With You. Whatever that something that keeps you going; well, I call it god. It's simple, short, and with the lower case 'g'; easily palatable.

Hello, Jamie Stephens.

2008-12-08T10:03:00.000-08:00

Hi. My name is Ron Kroeker. I live in Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada. Now... that's in the Southwest of Canada. Right along the border to the big, bad, United States of American Bullshit.

I fucking hate living so near my declared enemy for life. Cause it is as the good man, James Hetfield of Metallic says: The U.S. of A for asshole; : "Hunt you down without Mercy, Hunt You Down All Night Mare LOng. "

'Cause that's what those motherfuckers in that motherfucking country do. They fuck with other people, in other countrys', mothers. By...

Killing their sons. By killing their son's wife, by "killing anything that moves, on anything that flies..." That's an actual quote by an American President by the name of Richard Nixon.

now, let's slow down, Jamie...

Please Read! carefully,

Go back and start from the beginning...

Good. Now think about what a good writer I am. You helped me out and your my friend and I don't even know you. Now, I think I recognize good qualities and good traits when I was a young man but a Man none the less you be.

I have to trust my instincts here and stop typing and explain what I would like to do for You.

My friend, if you embark on this journey with me...

You are now...

OFFICIALLY, a MEMBER of "THE" Best band in the world.

I don't care if I ever play my Bass Guitar again with any other musicians. I simply don't give a shit if there is a better guitarist than you.

Now, know this. I am deadly serious about my ability as a bass player. I am now currently playing on my Computer, Death Magnetic.

I am playing it over and over and over again until it locks in. And man...

It Is LOCKED!

So, the name of our band is "The Landed Gentry". I will brook no argument about the band name or any band decisons I make. Because this is MY BAnd that I'm telling you that you are automatically a part of based on the way you talk, the way you write and especially the way you talk about music.

What I do like is the confidence in your ability to be able to play, "The Day That Never Comes" Even an attempt at that heavy music that we both enjoy and I'm sure you find it just as cathartic as I do.

I fall asleep to heavy music all the time. It relaxes. And you know what else helps relax me is, Crystal Methamphetamine. For some reason, this drug that makes everything fast, makes me a very quiet and thoughtful person. I am always at my most quietest when I am alone.

And believe me, I am ALL Alone! I am so scared of being scared that I'm not scared being alone.

So, if you want to figure out a way for us to meet and play music together and see 'a brother from another mother', then by all means...

PM me back.

I'll get around to the forum whenever I feel good enough to talk to, My only friend...

in the world...

I'm really scared shitless this meeting of the minds won't ever happen. Please, get back to me as soon as possible. Just say hi.

Alive in the Unkown (or Known): Origins thereof,

2008-12-06T00:45:00.000-08:00

Everything reminds me of me.

And that's why I hate everything,
that is around my world
on my little world
and in my little world address...

So, what then?
Where do we go?
How do we get there,
to the Alive in the Super Unkown?

Let's guess the outcome together, shall we?

When the World is Up!side down again

2008-11-24T08:44:00.000-08:00

Flip the phase
phase the flip

reality to reality
a stark contrast of geographic locations

What I knew then
and what I knew now
is a waste of time to think about.

It's what the known
in the unknown
that excites the senses
and dulls the brain

Back to O'Really

2008-11-23T07:20:00.000-08:00

Gots tireds of my names. Gotta get reals. Back to O'Really

An Instance of Clarity

2008-11-09T19:20:00.000-08:00

or,

"How I learned to leave everything I once loved behind and be alright with that. But upon seeing the bleak future of such a life, came back and reclaimed all that I love with a fierceness protected by righteous hellfire. Well, until the next time the shining, flaming shit of the world seemingly goes up with smoke."

Another round of reformatting Ron K. 7.5X. - This time, in better shape and with an all-intact memory... haunting me right now.

This is also like a...

bizarre personal video game where I get to time travel into my past to unravel past mysteries, solve them, prove they actually happened by calling people from that past to see if they are actually real.

Turns out, so far, they are.

But here's the crux of my thinking. I have more to add, but I want it to sound as cool as possible to let you know what kind of cool thoughts I have been thinking.

History is just a name we give something that happened in the linear past. Yet, history is all around us. Everyday we base decisions on past experiences and so from personal experience on a one to one basis we can apply these small interactions to bigger ones in history.

The same concept can be applied to big events in history and are reflected in our leaders decisions today. Hitler would have never gone through with the extermination of the Jews the way he did, if the Armenians hadn't gone through the theirs. So the logic of the holocaust is reaffirmed because the world did not care about the genocide of the Armenians, then therefore, no one would care about the systematic extermination of Jewish people. G.C.E. Please Skip ahead for a cogent explanation of my clarity for an instance.

[Digression - Hitler also used American Corporate slogans to gain a nationalistic foothold in Germany. Remember, before he was devil incarnate, he was a bureaucratically bent back fighter that 'won' his leadership through having a brute force that was too intimidating too a fragile post war World War 1 psyche, left criminally fragile by the victors of World War 1. But I regress...]

Back to the point - And, in this case, history broke this seemingly short cycle by being horrified by what the Nazis did. Thus breaking the cycle, albeit, once. Genocide has reappeared a few more times, especially in Africa. With half assed attempts by the world and way too late apologies. But at least, as well, they were acknowledged.

The world will get better little by little. Revolution, whether peaceful or violent or anything in between, is a violent action. And violent actions will always beget violent actions further down the road. Better for slow reform, heading in the right direction, then a rip through social fabric.

Having said that, Revolutions are absolutely necessary. People just have to do them right. Be prepared for the outcome, the outfall, and remember, to kill any dissidence early on in the revolution. Revolutions are not democratic. It's do or die. So, if you are not doing, then you should be dead or completely neutralized.

So basically, sometimes leaders do ugly things or out of character things for the greater goal of a slightly better world the next time around. Leaving many puzzled historians wondering why China conquered Tibet, while at the same time warning the Dali Lama to leave Tibet before they 'conquered' it.

Mountains, I guess. Good protection from invaders. What do you think?

Lets do a Hummers and Jizz Reunion Tour.

2008-11-02T10:52:00.000-08:00

But first... an interlude.

When the master is sick, it is up to the student on whether or not he can withstand the pain he sees in the master.

But because the master is sick, there is no choice. No one will wither and die when they see pain. They are only saving themselves from growing.

And now...

I'm Caving in.

2008-10-23T15:46:00.000-07:00

No more elections for this motherfucker. Sick of it. Sick of it all.

Obama/Biden will win. You'll see. In a hilarious fashion only known to me and a few others. eh he he he he ha ha ha ha ha!

People Who Have Actually Experienced a Drug, Know more than those who haven't

2008-10-07T00:12:00.000-07:00

First, I would like to address this ongoing question of my sanity or mental well being. All work and no play make O'Really... ah shit, I got nothing.

I am going to be addressing a subject that will make people uncomfortable and you might blanche at the first sentence after the fold. It will shock everyone even the people involved with taboo subject.

Is everyone ready?

Crystal Methamphetamine is a useful drug. Though it is psychologically addicting like any drug.

How are you doing?

Take a deep breath.

There might be some anger or feelings of dismissal

I bet most of you do not believe because medical studies show...

Any medical study that says Crystal Methamphatemine is an addictive drug didn't even bother to properly and thoroughly test the effects of it.

Right now, I am going to let you walk through this. I am not going to bombard you with this information because this is a community service. Don't worrry that I'm using any trick or lie to tell you something I really believe in. But for that to happen, you have to read more.

Now, right, how do I beat this scientific study? How would one go about it? Well, in this case it is through one who takes crystal meth everyday of his life and has observed its effects on lives on peoples.

Me. Crystal meth is a drug of moderation.

Eeerrrrrch! Slam!!!

If I had continued, there is a good chance that anything I say is forfeit. So, I'm switching gears and showing you the basic crystal meth economy model. What better place to look at all I have said then the beginning. So lets start with the basic elements of what crystal meth and it's basic appendages.

Well, lets look at the crystal meth lab. A highly dangerous place, that needs supervision less it explode. Interesting? Wouldn't there have been developed a safer place? Especially because soooo much money is involved. Oh, never mind, crystal meth is the cheapest hard drug where users don't use that much because it is extremely powerful and because of that power people moderate its use so that they can get the most of their drug value. That's right, crystal meth is made the way it is to last the longest and give you the most value for your dollar. Hey crystal meth sounds like a discount store. And so obviously this is a scourge to be gotten rid of because any one who deals crystal meth is not going to see that same client for another week. I remember in some movie, some book, some newspaper, some mafia movie, that dealers always want to move on the up and up?

"Oh my fucking god, crystal meth dealers and the people who make it are the stupidest fucking dealers in the world. How are they ever going to make more money?"

- If anyone doesn't understand, for even an instance, that that above paragraph wasn't sarcastic, you now have to go back to the top of this bulletin and start from the beginning. Oh, don't think I don't know who winced because they didn't know that was sarcasm. Good, none of you tried to pull one over me.

I know I just joked to for you to take some time to absorb it. But that was just there to confuse your brain, so that your mind is taken off the subject matter. And because your mind is no longer engaged...

you will be truly relaxed. This is a lot to take in all at once. If you feel overwhelmed by the knowledge, take a break. Take a deep breath. If you need to think about what I just said, take your time. What I'm writing is very difficult to understand because society doesn't like things it doesn't understand fully so they make it illegal so that they do not have to think this unknown thing is out there and makes them feel ill at ease.

Society, in this case, reacts correctly. When something unknown enters society and you have no idea what it will do, you cordon it off block, make it punishable so that their is less of this unknown thing that may or may not cause scary things. The unknown is fear inducing. And do you know who enter the unknown, who face down scary things, and they face these scary things down, they get hurt, sick, lost, reckless, twisted, awful.

btw, I have given crystal meth to a 15 year old girl. I was 23. A full 8 years older. And later on that night, it was just me and her in our friends house in the living room. All alone. There would be nothing to stop me from taken advantage of her. And oh, she liked me and if we did have sex it would have been consensual. But compromising my moral integrity is never an answer. No matter what the temptation, or what is being offered freely. There is no way in hell I am going to have sex with a 15 year old girl. - a beat - though, at 23, I might have had sex with a seventeen year old girl but only if she was more mature than her age. But that would have been an unlikely scenario as well. I like my women assertive, straight forward, and feminine.

Oh noes! The drug has control over everything about meeeeeee!

let's us all take a break. stretch your neck. Or if you need to forget all this heady stuff just open up another tab, hit that porn bookmark, and forget this for awhile.

Done?

Of course, I don't give a shit if you believe me or not. It happens to be true due to my experience and many others and not some sermonizing, demonizing bullshit that was created out of a vacuum. And save your half truths for others who do not know what they are talking about.

Remember people, I'm delusional. And... who knows, maybe someone will tell me I'm wrong when I know I'm right and it won't make a lick of difference cause I found god.